“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights.” (James 1:17)
I remember years ago, at the end of a time in family counseling, I ended the session and we said our goodbyes. She said, “I want to leave you with a gift.” I got all excited. I expected a compliment to tell you the truth, and believe me, it was not. It was an admonition to be kind to others and not so hard on myself. Not to lower my expectations but not be so hard when people are doing the best they can. I quipped back coyly, “Well, that’s a pretty heavy gift.” It didn’t feel that good at the time, but it was for my good. It indeed was a gift and it was the Father of Lights exposing something that I needed. How many times do we look at our lives and think through our own eyes of what “good” would look like, when we are not quite in step with His Will for us? His Will wants amazing miracles in our lives to testify to His magnificence.
This morning, I have cried twice over things that touched me. First I saw the outtake on Life Today where Beth Moore lays hands on a tiny boy, Matthew, within hours of death, starving, and they tell the story two years later, how that prayer of “Lord, You are the God who literally raises the dead, and I ask you to heal this child in your mighty Name” had been heard and answered so beautifully by God with a healthy boy she played soccer with on her next visit. It just struck me speechless of His miracles and power. Tears streamed as I saw this now healthy boy who smiled and was strong again. Later, in prayer, I prayed for that kind of faith for my own family, knowing it could have gone either way for that child, but either way would have been a victory. God’s will is not always what we want, but we must rest in knowing He has bigger things than we can conceive or imagine waiting for us. “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him.” (I Corinthians 2:9)
Today, my heart wants something different for my child than it is looking like God has prepared for her. I still can rejoice, knowing she is in good Hands, and I am most proud of her for her accomplishment. She is the kind of daughter who makes me so admire her and appreciate how hard she works for her goals. It is a wonderful thing on the horizon, an opportunity most would give anything to achieve. I should be thrilled, but I just don’t want her so far from home. Selfishly. Who knows how it will work out, but one thing is certain. It will be something God has planned for her for her good, and not against her. I can rest in that. I have to tell you it isn’t easy to let go, but when you can put it in the Father’s Hands, it certainly makes it more doable. I’ll keep you posted. Meanwhile, I must trust. Some things are bigger than a mom can figure out, and I certainly can attest that I don’t know best. Sometimes, I receive heavy gifts.
This is a picture of my daughter on her visit to Jerusalem two years ago, overlooking the city before her. I keep this picture at my desk as I pray for her.
Oh, Annette… This post brings me to tears. You are so good at expressing your thoughts. I cannot imagine what you must be feeling right now. I know you trust God to take good care of her, but it doesn’t make it any easier from a mother’s point of view. We know we have to give our children to God and believe Him.
You are a great mother and it’s obvious you love her so much! Letting her go is the truest expression of love. Do keep us posted. That picture is absolutely unbelievable and so beautiful!
I’m going to try to find the Beth Moore show you were talking about. I could use a good cry!
Love you so much!
p.s. Your song choice was perfect. I’m keeping her in my prayers… and I’m keeping you in my prayers. I’m crying with you!