There are days like this where I am so thankful that life is about more than me. I should not write when I feel down, but today that is exactly what I am doing, pressing through, but starting to see a theme going here that is more than just my self pity. I find myself as a mother letting go again and again. I thought I had let go when she went to Kindergarten and I said goodbye at the door that first day. I had no idea. Then she moved to another town after she graduated high school, and I said goodbye in tears practically every weekend. Two weeks became two months, and then the time apart became a semester away at school in another country. Today I say goodbye again. She starts a new job on Monday in another state, and her dad and she, with trailer in tow, pulled out of the driveway this morning. By September, she will be away in a country across the ocean, and this time, it will be for a year. All of this is just for one of my three whom I adore. It has been the greatest privilege of my life to guide my children to adulthood. Sometimes it hurts, though.
How many times in this life do we say goodbye? It’s all such a natural part of life that I never want to get good at. Goodbyes are messy, tearful trials that tear away at the cords of love in our hearts. Letting go and letting them grow. All in the name of love.
As hard as today is, letting go is more than saying goodbye. Trusting Him with that which He entrusted to me takes some work and a lot of prayer, but the bigger letting go is so worth it. At times, it slipped away so quickly, I felt a panic like I should chase after and say, wait! Wait. Other times, I have a restful satisfaction, knowing it is simply right to stay back and watch them take flight. Letting go of fears, letting go of that which I never had hold of in the first place—it’s a good trade because His are better Hands than my own.