Yesterday, I wrote that I wanted to comment further on Loving Well, our Bible study by Beth Moore we’re doing this month. I wasn’t sure even then I could get it out without “catharting” all over everybody. Do you like that word? It’s made up. You won’t find it in the dictionary, but nothing really fits any better, does it! Emoting to the point of slobbering all over those around you. SO, that warning having been issued, I will try to convey my heart a little on this loving issue. Does anybody else ever know God is going to put you to the test, often pop quizzes that crop up quite unexpectedly, to see if the lessons He wants you to know are really sinking into your heart or if it is just a head thing? Loving well is definitely one of them.
I haven’t had a week where I have been more challenged to love the unlovely in a long time. I am starting to wonder if it is hormones, but I hate to cop out with that overused excuse so easily. I have had some hurdles, starting with those close to me, and even some with people that wouldn’t ordinarily even be close enough to hurt. You know the rule I’m talking about: it’s really hard for someone you don’t care about that much to hurt you. Usually it is the people within that inner circle that can cause the pain. I don’t think of myself as a sensitive person—I hope I am compassionate, but not overly sensitive, giving most people the benefit of a doubt. Those things you tell yourself. . .oh, she’s probably just upset about how bad her hair looks :). . .or the one I like the best. . .he didn’t really say that, did he?
It starts with the little things, then five or so build up, and finally it genuinely qualifies for a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Was I just counting blessings yesterday? Maybe you should stop now, and just reread that blog entry. However, I give myself one day every now and then, but I promise as soon as I’m finished here, I will need to be done with it. “Catharting” helps. Then, I have to turn it over and see what I am supposed to get from the field trip. I already know one thing: I am a terrible servant. I prefer being the chief and not the Indian, and I need to learn to keep my mouth shut, especially when I think I know better. But that is not what He calls us to, by His example, washing the feet of others, with His own humility, and genuine submission. Oh, the white flag of surrender comes up again. Forgive me, Lord, for this and all my wrongdoings in this area—my most often needed confession—help me to submit to Your authority both over me on this earth and ultimately, to You alone, my Lord and my God.
Now I have to go get ready for a Bible study that will reveal the motives of my heart. Make them right, Lord, by Your righteousness, and by giving me the strength I need to surrender and die to self. In Your Grace alone, Amen.