As you might imagine, the past few days have been rich in blog fodder, and I “wrote” several posts that never got recorded while hot water pelted me in the morning shower, However, I promised my daughter particularly that I would not be online except to check emails and respond to business. So, here I sit with a blank screen and my morning coffee, and only one of the lessons of the past couple of days remains. However, it is a huge area of my life where my walk doesn’t match the talk. It has been the underlying theme for days as God works on me and it is where I am most vulnerable.
It all started with a single line in an email a friend sent—
God has made it clear to me that it is not my actions so much as my reactions that need work.
The circumstances are not that negative if I will take a moment and realize it. I can usually get to the right perspective in a few minutes after I relax and let God work it for good. It is just those ugly first reactions that are tripping me up. However, those are the main opportunities that prove me genuine, and can make or break my relationship with others. When others’ reactions are negative and ugly, I just want to run the other way. I can safely assume the one I lash out on probably has the same reaction or worse, wants to confront that area again. Either way, it is not pretty, and it is not what God wants me to do.
I generally know how to act, and what God expects from me, but my first reactive thought to many circumstances is negative. I can surprise even myself with some of the things that pop out of my mouth when I hear of a problem that I would rather not address or someone manages to touch on a sensitive area in my heart. Sometimes it stems from pride, sometimes it is an old hurt that I haven’t forgiven, and sometimes it is selfishness. It really is important to figure this part out so I can confess it and God can pluck it out. Herein lies the root of the sin where God wants to manifest His transforming work.
Take captive every thought, and set a guard on my mouth, Lord. I so need my first thought to look like You. Come and take over all of me, Jesus, and I will know I am wholly Yours.